


Beautiful Nightmare

by hedgehog_prince



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Modern AU, comatose kaworu, might change the rating later, probably add more characters later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-09-16
Packaged: 2018-02-17 14:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2313497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgehog_prince/pseuds/hedgehog_prince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now turning 21, Shinji finally decides to dismiss his brief encounter with the mysterious yet charming Kaworu Nagisa as a dream so he can finally move on with his life. But that proves to be rather difficult as Kaworu begins to communicate with Shinji through his dreams, asking him to locate his comatose body at the town where they first met 7 years ago. Will Shinji comply with Kaworu's request?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Beautiful Nightmare" by the beautiful Beyonce, heres the link to a really nice acoustic cover: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJEPv-wwZhI

“Happy birthday!”  
Everyone laughed and clapped as Shinji blew out his candles, albeit sheepishly. The cake placed before him was petite and slightly lopsided, covered with a little too much chocolate frosting and the words “Happy birthday Shinj” scrawled haphazardly and barely trailing off the edges of the cake, leaving no room for the I in his name. It wasn’t the most extravagant birthday cake, but he could sense the effort and affection mixed in with the ingredients. Asuka and Mari both made the cake, inviting everyone over to their new apartment to celebrate Shinji’s birthday along with their mutual friends Kensuki, Touji, and his girlfriend Hikari.  
Shinji smiled and laughed along with everyone else, not bothering to cover his pleased blush. The air was light and jovial and the atmosphere of the tiny apartment--finally rid of moving boxes-- was warm and festive. Shinji kneeled beside the coffee table with the cake in front of him. Mari and Asuka were sprawled among each other on the overstuffed couch and Kensuke sat on the floor across from Shinji, a camera in hand. Touji unwrapped his arm from Hikari’s waist and walked to the kitchen where he grabbed a plastic bag. A mischievous grin plastered on his face, he took out two packs of beer.  
“Now that you’re finally 21, you can drink beer like the rest of us!”  
“As if I haven’t drunk beer before,” Shinji retorted, reluctant to grab a can of beer. He was never truly fond of the bitter drink. He didn’t bother to ask Touji how he acquired the drinks.  
“We aren’t even 21 yet.” Hikari replied, grabbing a can despite her response.  
Touji rolled his eyes while opening the beer can, careful to keep the fizz from spilling out onto his lap. “Don’t be a buzzkill, Hikari.” Touji said playfully.  
“Yeah, you don’t have to rub it in our faces.” Kensuke chimed in, putting his camera down to also grab a drink. He took an extra one and handed it to Shinji. Shinji hesitantly opened it and set the refreshingly cool drink against his palm. He leaned back as Mari and Asuka bent over him to also retrieve a drink. Asuka just shook her head and mumbled the word “Idiots,” under her breath.  
“To Shinji’s birthday!” Hikari rose her voice to be heard among the mindless chatter. Despite being a small group, all together they made quite a rambunctious party. Brash personalities often clashed and everyone found themselves trying to raise their voice among the others. Everyone silenced at Hikari’s voice and raised their can.  
“And to our new apartment!” Mari said, wrapping her arms around a smiling Asuka.  
Everyone made sounds of agreement and met their drinks in the air before downing a swig of beer. Shinji’s face turned sour as the bitter drink went down his throat. Touji patted his back roughly, causing Shinji to keel over and cough.  
“Attaboy, Shinji. Does anyone want to watch a movie?”  
Everyone agreed and soon people were shouting out random movie suggestions. That was how they spent the entire night, barely watching the movie and mostly trying to talk over one another. They were a rather rowdy circle, but they were a group of friends Shinji treasured deeply. Being with all of them like this gave him a pleasant feeling in his stomach. Yet he couldn’t deny that something was missing, and he knew what it was. How could he possibly forget? It was this day, on his birthday, where everything started, when he met Kaworu Nagisa. Shinji struggled to push it to the back of his mind.  
Eventually they settled into the night and everyone quieted down, getting drowsier by the minute. It took less than an hour until the entire cake was devoured. Mari refused to allow them to drive in the condition they were in, and Asuka interjected she refused to take care of everyone’s hangover once they woke up. By the time everyone’s eyes began to close and the unspoken rule of silence began to follow, Shinji felt a boiling restlessness fester deep inside him. He hadn’t drunk nearly as much as everyone else yet he felt the warm and tingly effects wash over him. But they weren’t enough to quiet out the bustling thoughts inside his head. Unable to sleep, Shinji slowly got up and silently crept over Touji’s snoring corpse and tiptoed to the tiny porch overlooking the town.  
Shinji sighed a breath of relief when the gentle breeze of summer caressed his cheeks. He closed his eyes and took grateful gulps of the pure night air. When the agitated stirring in his stomach somewhat composed itself, he revealed his eyes to the star studded sky. The night sky was painted a deep shade of purple, void of clouds. The moon settled in the center, just as it should be. Everything was in its correct place, except Shinji. He felt his chest ache with unfamiliar longing and a sad sort of nostalgia as he rested his eyes upon the night sky.  
Seven long years had gone by, and yet Shinji could recall every miniscule detail of the days he spent under the artificial stars of the planetarium. The last of winter’s frost slowly washed away by the endless rain; the tips of fresh green grass began to peer their tiny heads up on the ground. The sun disappeared behind the curtain of rain clouds, yet he felt the steady beats of life resonate among the forest. The vibrant green of the forest seemed to stand out even more under the dull shades of grey.  
Shinji remembered Kaworu’s skin and how it seemed to glow in the nights they spent under the real stars when the rain finally ceased to a halt. He remembered gazing at the ethereal beauty next to him and thinking “He looks like an angel.” He was not far off from the truth.  
Memory was a strange thing, Shinji pondered as he rested his head upon his palm, leaning on the railing. At the time, he hardly paid the scenery any mind. He never thought how those previous last few nights would forever be etched in his memory, certainly never imagined how seven years later he would recall it in such detail. He was barely a teenager and so in love at the time, only thinking about himself and the strange yet enchanting boy in front of him.  
Sure, he still considered himself young. But he was wiser now, more so than the frightened fourteen year old who longed for someone else’s warmth. The naive boy from seven years ago eventually molded into the cautious and unimposing Shinji Ikari he was in the present.  
His fourteen year old self didn’t give a damn about the scenery in those precious and private nights. Yet whenever he recollected those distant memories, scenery was the first thing that came to mind. The smell of fresh grass; the firm damp earth beneath his back; the soft hum of rustling leaves and the symphony of crickets that accompanied it. And of course, the vast night sky. Shinji remembered the stars set haphazardly across the sky so well that even when he closed his eyes he could see galaxies behind his eyelids.  
But where was Kaworu? The person who was most important to him back then--where could he have disappeared to?  
Then all of a sudden- like a rush of fresh air, like the cold mist of a wave once it crashes onto the shore- Kaworu finally appears in his memories. First, it was always his voice, clear and pleasant as he spoke about the stories behind the numerous constellations. Shinji rarely truly listened, mostly immersing himself in the tone of his voice until he found himself melting in it. After that, his scent, similar to the welcoming and ancient smell of the planetarium and the gentle essence of spring. And finally, Kaworu himself. Shinji then joined the tiny pixels that made up Kaworu--his calloused cold hands; his pink soft lips always curved into a smile; his snow white hair, smooth to the touch; his pale, slim figure; his gentle deep crimson eyes-- and suddenly his face was there, slightly faded like an old photograph. The image of Kaworu always came last, which both troubled and relieved Shinji. Troubled him because forgetting Kaworu meant letting go, and relieved him because he could finally move on with his life.  
The time Shinji spent with Kaworu, blissful as it was, was short lived. It took an extremely long measure of time to conjure up those distant memories. Although it did not seem so, Shinji rarely thought of them. He only thought of them in two cases: on his birthday, and in cases of severe loneliness. It was only reasonable to think of Kaworu on his birthday, it was the first day they met. All he could do to pay his respects to the boy who suddenly vanished from his life was to remember. But other than his birthday, Shinji preferred not to think of it at all. He became rather skilled at pushing it to the back of his mind, so good that he didn’t even have to try anymore. But on those rare days when the hollow ache of solitude clawed at his chest, the memories from the past would resurface and it would prove to be nearly impossible to lock them away after a period of time.  
Even when he had everything he had friends who cared about him deeply and a place to call home, he couldn’t help but feel that something was amiss. Deep in the abandoned corners of his soul, something was out of place. No matter how hard he tried to push the thought away or come up with another conclusion, Shinji could never stray away from the possibility that perhaps Kaworu created a void that no one but Kaworu himself could fill.  
But that was the entire problem. Every time Shinji dug up those memories, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was truly just a figment of his imagination. The theory became more reasonable as time went on. Those brief days spent with the mysterious yet charming red eyed boy could have easily been mistaken for a dream. He remembered Kaworu, but any essence of his touch was nonexistent. A memory of a kiss appeared in his mind, but Shinji felt not even a prick on his lips. He had no palpable item left by the boy to remember him by. Those faraway days spent in the ancient planetarium felt intangible in his grasp, like water slipping between his fingers.  
Of course, as time passed he began to move on, but the thought of completely letting go meant dismissing one of his only euphoric memories from his youth other than being with his mother, which were too painful to even reflect upon. But Shinji also knew it was most likely for the best if he could finally stop clinging desperately clinging onto the notion of Kaworu like a child with their favorite toy. He could finally fully enjoy and live his life and not wonder if there was something better for him. Thinking of such thoughts made him feel selfish and ungrateful.  
“What are you doing up?”  
A grouchy and slightly rough voice protruded Shinji’s thoughts, causing him to jump and find Asuka standing behind him. The scowl on her face softened somewhat when she noticed Shinji’s slightly lost and distant expression.  
“What’s wrong?” she asked, arching her eyebrows with concern.  
Shinji shook his head and tried to smile. “It’s nothing.”  
“Having depressing thoughts now that you’re officially an adult?”  
Shinji chuckled, hoping it didn’t sound too forced. “Something like that.”  
“Well, don’t jump off my porch and fall to your death. Stop worrying so much on your own birthday, idiot.” Her voice softened and held no malice as she insulted him.  
Asuka had known Shinji the longest out of everyone, both of them starting out as enemies in high school. Eventually they molded into what could be titled as friends. Despite starting on the wrong foot, Asuka could always read Shinji like a book, and Shinji could say the same for her.  
“Sorry, I’ll be heading to sleep now.” Shinji said, barely stifling a yawn.  
“Good. I gotta use the bathroom.” Asuka turned around and staggered to the bathroom, disappearing in the hall.  
Shinji grabbed a pillow and settled on the carpeted floor, barely minding the hard surface on his back. Finally feeling the toll of exhaustion, Shinji quickly fell asleep. His dreams, however, provided no sanctuary for they were filled only with images of Kaworu.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry barely anything happened in this chapter, we'll get the ball rolling next chapter! Btw I changed my tumblr name to typical-anime-protagonist.  
> Thanks for reading guys!


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